I need to be more interesting. Or funny. Or attractive. Or something.
It's cycle day 3, my non-air-conditioned home is burning up, and I'm in the middle of a post-Ohio-trip slump. I'm sick and tired of being lonely as [insert expletive here].
It's been almost 4 years now since we moved here to State College, and today's one of those days when I would consider it a "failed experiment" for myself socially. Practically every social outlet I have oh-so-hesitatingly explored here has blown up in my face. In the meantime, I've failed to keep up with some of my friends back home as well as I'd have liked, mostly because I'm afraid of the telephone.
I know that we live in a "mobile society" where people move around quite a bit for jobs. What befuddles me is how so many people seem to really embrace that. Maybe they're just much better at accentuating the positives than I am, but I think mobility is awful.
My daughter's grandparents have only seen her a handful of times, as has her uncle. Her aunts saw her last July, last November, and this May. When she and I visited my family last week, I couldn't even leave her with them to run to the drugstore for twenty minutes that she wasn't completely distraught, because they are strangers to her.
I'm so homesick it hurts. Homesick for my family, homesick for my friends back home, homesick for the parks and ice cream shops and stores and schools that I grew up with, homesick for going to the grocery store and running into someone I knew from high school or someone my mom or dad or brother knows...instead of my graduate advisor, who, while kind enough, reminds me of a time in my life that I'd very much rather forget.
Does anybody else feel this way? Does anybody else think that living away from home, maybe forever, is a pile of suck?
I know it's me. It is, really. I'm shy and socially awkward, and somehow I manage to alienate almost every potential friend I meet. I don't know how I do it, but if I ever figure out my formula, I'll get right down to authoring How To Lose Friends and Influence Nobody.
Sorry for the rant, but it's all I got today, folks.